Funny how I end up at the lunch table with a young female co-worker, let's call her Y, talking about the typical subject of love and marriage that I probably have talked to all my friends for years. It started with another co-worker, let's call her C, having a lunch date with her husband once every week and can not join us for our daily lunch at the cafeteria at work. Being a young single (not available) girl, Y thinks that having a lunch date is probably something of no value to her and her boyfriend yet since they eat together just the two of them every day. C, on the other hand is married with 2 beautiful daughters and her family meal is probably a time share between feeding the kids and trying to move on to more quality time later... also with the kids. In my opinion, I think it is worth the effort to set a date once in a while for the couple no matter what situation(s) they are in for a few reasons that we can elaborate later. In fact, I brought up two related ideas that I believe they are important to a relationship to Y:
1. girls spend so much time choosing the 'perfect' guy and then grow attached to him and forget to follow up, I will explain this later as I also have to elaborate it to Y
2. maybe the key to a successful marriage is to love like you can loose the other person the next day, any day
So let's discuss a few reasons why a couple should set dates once in a while to spice it up their daily routing since there are not much to talk about it anyway. A long time ago a female friend told me that setting a date for a girl in advance is important and she will appreciate it very much. The experiences of waiting for 'that' day to come, preparing what to wear, guessing where to go (if the location is still a surprise), wondering what to do, going over what to say etc... those excitements might just fill up the rest of the time in between and get her going until the date. The other reason to me is to set aside a time out that can be facilitated for discussing things that we are too busy to talk to each other about, reassure each other that I am still here and I came to stay, strengthen that fire that may be weakening over the time while they both get sucked into the daily life trying to maintain a quality of life financially...
Anyway, back to the main ideas I discussed with Y on the way to the cafeteria starting with why I think women spends so much time choosing a guy and then forget to follow up. Most girls look for the dream guy that they probably form the image a long time ago; a guy who is smart, good looking, kind, well behaved, well dressed etc... and the whole nine or ten yards of quality. Then a few years into the relationship they start to grow attached to the guy so much that everything goes and I mean every single thing. So after a long careful process of picking THE guy, now she ends up with A guy just because the attachment is established there preventing her from making a change. Keep in mind that we are still on the generalization basis, not everyone is like that, some may be luckier and some less. Not sure why the guys can be "degraded" after a while but one theory is that they have to work so hard in the beginning to get her attention, to earn her acceptance that he is somewhat worn out by then. Similar concept with the home central air where they suggest to leave it at 75 degree constant to make it last longer than turning it ON/OFF when you leave the house, eventually that inconsistency usage finally get to the system and it dies.
So how can we overcome that reality?
I watch my parents growing old over the years, many years and after many lengthen conversation with friends I finally think I figure it out, may be not all of it but partially some of it. Maybe the key is to love each other like you can loose each other the next day, any day, loosing for any reason and it does not even be something under your control. My parents have been married for years longer than I can even remember (I know I am a bad son) and til this day my dad never fail to surprise my mom, and sometimes me and my brother, with things he does for her.
